Last night, as I was sitting around the Dana family dinner table with all 5 of them present, I felt the need/desire to tell them that my upcoming move to Houston is without some sense of mourning that I’ve been feeling for weeks now. Oh sure, I love Virginia springtime and living in a place that doesn’t have looooonnnnnnggggg summers helps me appreciate it as I remember many years living in Texas when I didn’t appreciate Texas springtimes as it always meant hot hot summers were on their way.

But good weather is not what I’ve been mourning, or rather the return to many months of summer weather and humidity in Houston. I’ve spent some of the happiest years of my life in H-town and I know that I can deal with the heat.

What I’ve been mourning is the fact that I’m leaving Robert and MaryAnn, and their beautiful wonderful children. It dawned on me when I got to thinking about it that I will have been here 19 years in November, which is a longer span of years than my marriage to Jim and any job that I’ve ever had. It’s even longer than I’ve spent in all my years of school.

I left Dallas soon after my sister died and truly I almost ran from the place. I wanted to escape the past 2 years as I watched Sherry bravely face the challenges of Stage 4 Ovarian cancer and leave this world. My heart was broken and I really wondered if I ever would truly sincerely smile again. Yes, moving to DC was a geographic cure and I’ll own up to that.

I found in The District the excitement of living in the city and a new job in an economy that paid me well and were hungry for my talents. I loved my tiny studio apartment on 14th St, right in the heart of the city and within walking distance to the Mall and monuments and, soon to be in a span of 3 years, President Obama’s White House. I found a Unitarian church that was social justice active and instrumental in supporting marriage equality and anytime I wanted to express my 1st amendment rights, there were always rallies or marches nearby. I could get rid of my car and take advantage of the wonderful DVM metro…I never have loved driving, so this suited me just fine.

But what helped me in those early years after Sherry’s death more than anything else was being near the Dana family. MaryAnn was pastoring a church and I was able to join in and attend her church and all of its activities often and make new acquaintances and listen to her awesome sermons. Robert was always willing and ready to help me with advice and I could always count on his support. Caroline was just a toddler when I arrived, and was about the age that Lucas will be when I settle back in Houston in the Fall.

Soon after my arrival, a miracle happened in late December…Mel (aka Margaret) was born and every time I held this precious baby I could feel a genuine energy flow between her tiny body and mine. The “drain” that Sherry’s illness left me with was being re-charged with the love I had for this new life.

I’ve always said that “Mel is my heart” but what I have meant by that is that Mel’s birth and presence let me know that life goes on, that life has blessings, that even though I ached to be near my sister and talk with my sister and share things with my sister, the ache I felt now that she was gone was being replaced somewhat slowly but very steadily with my love for Mel and Caroline. I was happy that Robert and MaryAnn trusted me to give these precious children good care and really enjoyed the overnights we shared in my Truman Place apartment.

Within another couple of years, James was born so I had the 3 of them at my place on some weekend nights. We’d watch TV, I’d set up a PopTarts breakfast for them, using my mini-trampoline as a table, and we’d walk to Dupont Circle to see the fountain, or the nearby playground. They loved being city kids for the weekends with me. We’d ride the Metro back out together to their house and Robert many times would have prepared a delicious feast for us to enjoy before I headed back to the city.

The Dana family has been generous with their vacation times also. Often they would invite me to join them, as they made trips to Maine, to North Carolina, and to nearby hiking trails and parks.

I could go on and on and on about how much and how special living near the Dana family has meant to me, but words fail to describe the positive impact this has had on my life.

As I sat at their dinner table last night and told them that although I’m looking forward to living near my sons and their families and the adventure of living back in Texas, for the past 19 years they have been so present in my life and this is going to be very hard to give up. I especially look at James and Mel and think “I’ve been nearby them every minute of their 16 and 18 years!” so I am in many ways feeling much of the same emotions that parents must feel when their children leave the nest, although in this case I’m the one that’s leaving.

Ending on a positive note, though, I realized when I was in Orlando with Katie’s family a couple of weeks ago that visits are very very wonderful. By spending several days in the homes of my children and their family, I see the routine and the special things that happen in their daily lives and that suits me just fine. At this point in my life, I don’t need or desire anything more than quality time with the people I love…my children, their partners, and my grandchildren (and all the people they love…extended family has been such a gift.)

How blessed I am to be able to do this and I never ever will take it for granted. Blessed be.